pedialite and red bull = repair kit
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
FUCK WHALES
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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