i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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