dude i'm inner monologue high
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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