Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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