Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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