I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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