My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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