i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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