so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
