I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
