meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
