Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
