Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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