Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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