I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
