I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
