i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
