She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
