When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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