Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
