You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
