Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
