you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
