you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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