My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
