We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
