Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
