if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
