I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
