I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
