It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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