She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
