omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love having hate sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
