Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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