he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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