well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
