I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
