he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
