This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
