Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
