I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
