Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
