im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
