How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
