i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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