I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
