the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
