you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
