I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
