It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
