Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
