He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
