dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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