I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
