Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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