We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
